Andrea Dozier Dayton Wedding & Lifestyle Photography

My husband’s orders had been issued. He had been training off and on for several months. He was almost finished with his out processing briefings. We were waiting for his new uniforms to come in so he could get his name & stripes sewn on in time to pack them for the deployment. He was shopping around for a laptop that would sustain a lot of sand & dust. The weeks were slipping away quickly as we inevitably neared the goodbyes. We were praying I’d have the baby before he had to board the plane.

That wouldn’t have happened, I’m still very pregnant.

We had been bracing ourselves for the impact of his absence for months. After everything we did to get ready for this day, it’s hard to believe that he is at work as usual. There is no new laptop. Those uniforms will go to someone else. The plane left calmly without him.

He gets around a little slower with a wheelchair or crutches, but to me, he’s never looked better.

I’ll keep you posted when baby boy gets here… soon I hope! ♥

We played this song at our wedding almost six years ago and I could never dream how rich the meaning would be to me someday:

If there’s anything I’ve learned, in this journey I am on.
Simply truths will keep you going, simple love will keep you strong.
Cause there are questions without answers, and flames that never die.
Heartaches we go through are often blessings in disguise…

I never expected that such an ordinary day could change everything. Yesterday Rock was playing basketball at the base gym and someone {he had never met before} fell on him during a game, hurting his foot. After an initial ER visit we held our breath to see what they would decide to do about his condition.

Many tears later & my brain is still having a hard time computing the last phone conversation I had with my husband. He’s in surgery at the moment because of a ruptured achilles tendon and this means he will no longer be deploying next month. He will be able to meet our son when he is born.

Ever since we received the orders that he would deploy, I’ve been dealing with it and trying to get ready for life without him again. The last time Kevin was two and I had just graduated, so I devoted all my time to raising him alone. I knew that this time I would need to balance my photography business with a newborn and a four year old, so we began making a lot of changes that would help ease the process. Two of the biggest changes we made were finding homes for {our dogs} Delilah & Snowy and moving closer to family. We were both committed to making sure we did everything possible to prepare for the challenges of our situation. But in all honesty, getting ready for a deployment is difficult. You cope the best you can, knowing there are going to be so many things you must do alone when they are gone. We were in the stages where he would begin teaching me how to take care of things that he normally does. He gave instructions as they crossed his mind, “Don’t forget the car needs new tags this September…”

I visualized the next seven months a million times, it’s my way of adjusting to unpleasant circumstances. First there would a painful goodbye. Then, a short time later, I’d be checking into the hospital without him. I hoped we would be able to get word to him when it was time. He helped me labor through the night in Texas, but I promised myself I could do it on my own this time. I already felt the guilt of having the privilege to hold our newborn son, knowing he would not have that opportunity. He would miss the aroma of newborn lotion & the curiosity in his eyes as he would become acquainted with our world. I thought of Kevin, and worried that the separation would affect him much more significantly this time. As I received my weekly e-mails about the baby’s progress, I started to cringe as I saw how close I was to the end. I couldn’t make time stand still.

The most, and I mean, the most I even dreamed of asking for was that the baby would be born slightly early so that Rocky could hold him one time. Even if he had to miss the delivery, I just wanted him to be able to see him in person. I knew that it was almost impossible, so I didn’t count on it.
Now, through an odd, unexpected injury, he is going to be here for everything.

I see him slowly appearing in future mental photographs that he wasn’t supposed to be in… it’s surreal.

Kevin {three months} & Rocky ♥

I’m 34 weeks and even though this pregnancy has been very good to me {not a day of nausea}, I’m not going to hate being able to hold this beautiful baby boy in my arms. Proof that I am not missing any meals…

We’ve been making a lot of changes to prepare for my husband’s upcoming deployment. The biggest one is that we’ve been boxing up our current house and moving {locally}. Well, we haven’t quite “moved in,” but that will come soon. There is some work to do on the new place, but we’re just tackling it a day at a time. Being very close to family will be a huge blessing with a newborn and very active four year old!

Another day I will probably reflect a little bit about what it’s like to brace yourself for a deployment while pregnancy hormones try to sabotage your sanity… but for now I’m finding that the best medicine is to stay active. Talk to people {even when there’s not a lot to say}. Grab drinks at Sonic. Clean until it shines. Let it go when it’s not important. Hold him every chance you get. Speak openly about your fears. Stay fanatical about Lost {only three more hours left}. Sleep when you can. Work when insomnia doesn’t let you sleep. Take lots of pictures. There will never be enough, but they will mean everything when he’s gone. ♥

Last month brought some amazing discoveries, as well as some difficult news. We found out {finally} that my son Kevin will be having a little brother! I have so many curiosities about this lovely little baby. Will he be a clone of Rocky the way Kevin is? Will he be shy or more outgoing? It’s been almost four years since Kevin was born, I can’t wait to have a tiny baby in my arms again. The anticipation of meeting him is often on my mind.

We also learned that my husband {probably, for sure} won’t be here when this little man makes his appearance in the world. He’ll miss it by about half a month. We’ve known this could be a possibility, but it was still hard to digest the actual announcement. I took some time to ponder this news and not so eloquently fall apart.
I wish I had the emotional capabilities of other military wives I’ve met & read about. Women who don’t flinch at the prospect of much more difficult scenarios, women who build empires as busy single moms, women who keep it all together & even thrive during deployments. I am envious of their strength.

I am {slowly} accepting the changes & preparing myself for what is ahead. The most valuable picture in my studio is from an ultrasound that I framed. At twelve weeks, this lovely baby held up his hand and showed us the tiniest five fingers I’ve ever seen before. I’ve been looking at his “high five” and feeling revived that he’s already melting my heart & inspiring courage. New life always brings joy.

I’ve begun a running list of everything that is going for me & what I can be thankful for:

• I live close to family & close friends. I will have support during my labor & assistance after Kevin’s brother gets here. This is huge & I realize it’s clearly an exception in the military world. I’m thankful.
• I have six months to lose this baby weight… I’m {almost} guaranteed to be smaller when he gets back.
• We can talk on Skype often. I still like sending some handwritten letters, but nothing beats seeing him on the screen {besides seeing him for real…}.
• As much as I hate the idea of Rocky missing summer, it’s easier to stay busy when we can leave the house and enjoy the weather.
• After I take some maternity leave, I have some gorgeous weddings lined up. I can look forward to capturing them & doing what I love.
• When I’m not working, I will be busy taking thousands and thousands of pictures of the boys. Rock will be thoroughly updated on our daily adventures.
• Rock will be at a stable location.
• Kevin will be a great big brother. He’s competent at following directions & helping me. When he chooses not to, bribing with peanut M&M’s works wonders.
• Rocky should be home sometime before Christmas. It will be amazing.
• Unnamed baby boy {who is really starting to need a name!} will be ready to roll, crawl, & start teething when he meets his Daddy. Rock can watch & applaud all the biggest milestones in person.
• When he returns, Rock will be on desert time for a while until he adjusts to our time zone. He’ll be up all night & want to go to bed early. He’ll have no problem hanging out with a teething baby while I blissfully catch up on some sleep.
• I’ll have plenty of time to rent all the chick flicks he doesn’t care for. {I must give the man credit, he did endure New Moon in its entirety at the theater}.
• Just like last time, we will learn a temporary normal. I’m thankful for the adjective “temporary.”
• Every lonely minute will be forgotten when we see him walk through the terminal. It will be pure euphoria when he meets his son, reunites with Kevin, and kisses me like it’s the first time. ♥

{The adorable brown envelope & its yummy contents is curtesy of Alli from Hooray Design…Â can’t wait until she restocks her Etsy shop!}