We played this song at our wedding almost six years ago and I could never dream how rich the meaning would be to me someday:

If there’s anything I’ve learned, in this journey I am on.
Simply truths will keep you going, simple love will keep you strong.
Cause there are questions without answers, and flames that never die.

Heartaches we go through are often blessings in disguise…

I never expected that such an ordinary day could change everything. Yesterday Rock was playing basketball at the base gym and someone {he had never met before} fell on him during a game, hurting his foot. After an initial ER visit we held our breath to see what they would decide to do about his condition.

Many tears later & my brain is still having a hard time computing the last phone conversation I had with my husband. He’s in surgery at the moment because of a ruptured achilles tendon and this means he will no longer be deploying next month. He will be able to meet our son when he is born.

Ever since we received the orders that he would deploy, I’ve been dealing with it and trying to get ready for life without him again. The last time Kevin was two and I had just graduated, so I devoted all my time to raising him alone. I knew that this time I would need to balance my photography business with a newborn and a four year old, so we began making a lot of changes that would help ease the process. Two of the biggest changes we made were finding homes for {our dogs} Delilah & Snowy and moving closer to family. We were both committed to making sure we did everything possible to prepare for the challenges of our situation. But in all honesty, getting ready for a deployment is difficult. You cope the best you can, knowing there are going to be so many things you must do alone when they are gone. We were in the stages where he would begin teaching me how to take care of things that he normally does. He gave instructions as they crossed his mind, “Don’t forget the car needs new tags this September…

I visualized the next seven months a million times, it’s my way of adjusting to unpleasant circumstances. First there would a painful goodbye. Then, a short time later, I’d be checking into the hospital without him. I hoped we would be able to get word to him when it was time. He helped me labor through the night in Texas, but I promised myself I could do it on my own this time. I already felt the guilt of having the privilege to hold our newborn son, knowing he would not have that opportunity. He would miss the aroma of newborn lotion & the curiosity in his eyes as he would become acquainted with our world. I thought of Kevin, and worried that the separation would affect him much more significantly this time. As I received my weekly e-mails about the baby’s progress, I started to cringe as I saw how close I was to the end. I couldn’t make time stand still.

The most, and I mean, the most I even dreamed of asking for was that the baby would be born slightly early so that Rocky could hold him one time. Even if he had to miss the delivery, I just wanted him to be able to see him in person. I knew that it was almost impossible, so I didn’t count on it.
Now, through an odd, unexpected injury, he is going to be here for everything.

I see him slowly appearing in future mental photographs that he wasn’t supposed to be in… it’s surreal.

Kevin {three months} & Rocky ♥

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  • julie - May 17, 2010 - 1:16 pm

    Beautiful post…

  • Jaclyn - May 17, 2010 - 1:37 pm

    amazing…and this is how i always remember baby Kevin…i am SO happy for you! =]]

  • alli/hooray - May 17, 2010 - 4:42 pm

    Oh, Andrea, wow! What a blessing in disguise. I am so happy for you that your family can be together when you welcome your new son!

  • Amy McClain - May 17, 2010 - 6:34 pm

    I just can’t put into words how incredibly estatic I am for the two of you! Be blessed Dozier family =]

  • […] Remember our little “vintage” house I mentioned a few posts back? Well, it was time to gut the living room & rebuild it… for many many good reasons. My husband, Rocky, has been working hard at it for two weeks while I have been staying with my parents. He has been texting me images of his progress, but cut me off tonight and said that I’m not allowed to see any more until I come back. I miss him & can’t wait to see the big reveal this weekend… and go trick or treating with all my “mans!” Last year I was photographing a super sweet & glamorous couple’s wedding & missed out on our tradition. It always means a lot when I’m able to enjoy holidays as a family. {I remain grateful that the boys have their daddy with them}. […]

  • Kate/MagnoliaRouge - December 1, 2010 - 3:03 pm

    Awww I’m a bit late on this one (saw your tweet with Chris!).. but that’s lovely… so happy for you!

  • Andrea - December 3, 2010 - 11:21 pm

    Thank you Kate… it was such a crazy thing, but it’s been so nice to have him home with us! I had spent my whole pregnancy thinking that he would miss the delivery and first six months, my brain didn’t even know what to do with the news!

  • […] of that apart. That number is actually low, since he was supposed to deploy this past summer until an injury compromised his ability to go. He would have missed the birth of our son & met him for the first time just a few days […]

  • […] that I’ve been going through a difficult time, but this blog has always been so personal {here & here} & if it’s my legacy to the world… I may as well be honest. Even though […]

  • […] feel so grateful for the sweetness we’ve shared & the blessing of having his Daddy being home to meet him. Rocky was in a painful collision that tore his Achilles tendon.  Because of surgery & […]

  • […] was supposed to be deployed to Kuwait right now, but his injury made him ineligible to go. Every time I smell his cologne on […]

  • […] breathlessly leaning on each other. He’s taken care of our little family from Afghanistan, from a wheelchair, & from blood sweat & tears as he has ripped this little house apart in order to build it […]

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