Rewritten

We played this song at our wedding almost six years ago and I could never dream how rich the meaning would be to me someday:

If there’s anything I’ve learned, in this journey I am on.
Simply truths will keep you going, simple love will keep you strong.
Cause there are questions without answers, and flames that never die.
Heartaches we go through are often blessings in disguise…

I never expected that such an ordinary day could change everything. Yesterday Rock was playing basketball at the base gym and someone {he had never met before} fell on him during a game, hurting his foot. After an initial ER visit we held our breath to see what they would decide to do about his condition.

Many tears later & my brain is still having a hard time computing the last phone conversation I had with my husband. He’s in surgery at the moment because of a ruptured achilles tendon and this means he will no longer be deploying next month. He will be able to meet our son when he is born.

Ever since we received the orders that he would deploy, I’ve been dealing with it and trying to get ready for life without him again. The last time Kevin was two and I had just graduated, so I devoted all my time to raising him alone. I knew that this time I would need to balance my photography business with a newborn and a four year old, so we began making a lot of changes that would help ease the process. Two of the biggest changes we made were finding homes for {our dogs} Delilah & Snowy and moving closer to family. We were both committed to making sure we did everything possible to prepare for the challenges of our situation. But in all honesty, getting ready for a deployment is difficult. You cope the best you can, knowing there are going to be so many things you must do alone when they are gone. We were in the stages where he would begin teaching me how to take care of things that he normally does. He gave instructions as they crossed his mind, “Don’t forget the car needs new tags this September…”

I visualized the next seven months a million times, it’s my way of adjusting to unpleasant circumstances. First there would a painful goodbye. Then, a short time later, I’d be checking into the hospital without him. I hoped we would be able to get word to him when it was time. He helped me labor through the night in Texas, but I promised myself I could do it on my own this time. I already felt the guilt of having the privilege to hold our newborn son, knowing he would not have that opportunity. He would miss the aroma of newborn lotion & the curiosity in his eyes as he would become acquainted with our world. I thought of Kevin, and worried that the separation would affect him much more significantly this time. As I received my weekly e-mails about the baby’s progress, I started to cringe as I saw how close I was to the end. I couldn’t make time stand still.

The most, and I mean, the most I even dreamed of asking for was that the baby would be born slightly early so that Rocky could hold him one time. Even if he had to miss the delivery, I just wanted him to be able to see him in person. I knew that it was almost impossible, so I didn’t count on it.
Now, through an odd, unexpected injury, he is going to be here for everything.

I see him slowly appearing in future mental photographs that he wasn’t supposed to be in… it’s surreal.

Kevin {three months} & Rocky ♥